Ever since I was a child I was told counseling are for people who have "issues". Mental health professionals diagnose people with mental problems and I was made to think anyone who sees a mental health professional is crazy or insane. I was wrong.
Everyone has mental issues. There is nothing wrong with us. Many people have issues. Americans--many of them--have at least seen three different therapist in their lives. It can be something simple. Perhaps you feel very depressed after the death of a loved one. Maybe you have a phobia of heights, water, being in enclosed spaces. I m sure almost everyone had a few fears. I do.
I have quite a lot of issues. Mental issues. Am I crazy? Abnormal? Dangerous?
Have you ever heard of "self-mutilation"?
I will share with you this sensitive and personal issue of mine. It is a vulnerable and controversial issue. Yes I had cut myself before. With a knife. On my forearm. Intentionally harm myself in more ways than one. I feel the need to cut myself and feel pain.
Now you are probably freaked out.
Yes, it is not something normal, but believe me, there are a lot of people who did the same thing as me. Cutting themselves. Self-harm.
Why did I cut myself?
I have personality issues. I spent most of my life alone by myself. I feel lonely, but I am unable to make friends because I have a fear of being touched. I will talk about that phobia another time.
I do not like myself very much and therefore I did not treasure and take care of my body. There is a pain in my heart, resulted from loneliness and self-loath. It is painful and upsetting.
I do not remember how it started, but I remember the feeling I have whenever my skin was cut. Every drop of blood is a drop of pain gone from my heart. I feel great. I feel...calm and relieved.
No I am not telling you self-mutilation is a good thing. It is not.
In my second year of high school, once I cut myself too deep, and the wound did not heal properly. It left a scar. My friend found out and pestered me until I told her I cut myself occasionally.
She thought I was a freak.
She tries to drag me to a psychiatrist and threatened to tell my parents if I continue cutting myself. I was afraid, so I stopped. I did not know how morally wrong it is to do self-harm and cut myself. It felt so right and so necessary at the time.
Perhaps I should have went with my friend to therapy. I did not go at the time becauase I thought going to therapy means I am crazy.
I have a few more issues in my life and they are still bothering me and interfering with my life. I am not able to have a normal relationship or social life if I do not find a way to solve these issues. Sometimes, seeking help from another human being is necessary to move forward. I should not feel lonely and carry all the burden by myself. Seeing a mental professional is normal, so why avoid it?
住戶編號:841221
檢舉原因
心情: 
