When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
(Sacha Guitry)
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
(Henry Youngman)
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
(Patrick Murray)
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming. One, whenever
you're wrong, admit it, two, whenever you're right, shut up.
(Nash)
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday isto forget it once...
(Anonymous)
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
(Henny Youngman)
My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
(Rodney Dangerfield).
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
(Anonymous)
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy
"You're lucky, mine's still alive."
(Anonymous)